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The Big Yellow Book

Seeing the World from Both Oculars-- a Bananaslug's Journal

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From the department of "Saaaay Whut?"
Sarah Hoyt posted on Baen's Bar today that Mommyhood can be a difficult state. Daddyhood can be, too:

This morning, daughterperson appeared at my bedside. "I know," she said, "that you are trying to go early to work because you need to get the magazine to the printer today, or else..."

With a tee-up like that, what could I do but say it? "What do you want?"

"I'm having trouble with my mask," she offered. "Could you take a look at it for me?"

Daughterperson is going to the prom Saturday night, and since the theme is "Midnight Masquerade" and since it is being held in the "grownup rooms" at Northern Illinois University in DeKalb, and she'll be out late (we are 17 and a half, and really concerned for image, you see), she wanted a fancy mask to wear with her dress.

Because I am known to my wife and daughter as "Captain Bligh" for my completely easygoing and totally supportive personality, I try not to take over projects and "just do them myself!"

So I suggested some ways out of her problem, she argued with me, and I explained that, "Dear, perfection is the enemy of good."

Tirade ensued. It appears that I have endless opportunities, yea I even stay up at night figuring out new ways, complex and evil ways, to put her down and make her feel stupid.

Arrived at work 40 minutes late because I missed the traffic window.

Shaking my head.


Seeing the world out of both oculars

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Ah yes, daughters.

I figured it out, though: they are supposed to indicate that there is a problem, and we are supposed magically to figure out exactly what it is, discover the most daughter-approved method of its repair, and then go back in time and make it so that it automatically already happened that way.

Otherwise they pout and sulk.

Our physics-related inability to accomplish this is the reason they are always in a state of pout-and-sulk.


I have apologized to my mother, several times. "If I was like my daughter is, I'm SO SORRY."

She laughs every time. Full-out belly laughs. I can't really blame her, and laugh along...I wonder if my daughter will ever do the same thing, when she has kittens of her own?

I'm going to remember that. When my kids get older, I may not be able to solve their problems, but at least I'll understand why.

Ack! I have 13 year old daughterperson...you mean they get worse?

Do daughterpersons get worse?

[evil laughter throughout]
No squit, Sherlock! They get worse and worse until you really are glad when they finally want to move out. Luckily, my daughterperson is fairly levelheaded and wise for a seventeen-and-a-half year old teenager. Otherwise I'd be suicidal.

"Do you hear yourself? Do you?" My mother and mother-in-law are certainly in hysterical panting and hiccuping paroxisms of laughter.


You know - I always wanted daughters. Up to the time that they're about 8, I envied my friends for having daughters... they're brighter than boys of the same age, they smell better, and generally destroy less and communicate better. Then once my boys hit the eight-year old horizon the honors were about even. My sons were keen to do things that some (not all) of my friends daughters found too much dad stuff. Okay so you get to be ghillie a lot. Someone has to teach them to gill and gut, etc. From 11 to about age 14-15 both sexes should be put in seperate boxes and raised by robots. But by about 16 - with the exception of occassional aberations like resting their elbows on my furry dome, I found both my boys had undergone something of a miraculous transformation and were almost verging on becoming proto-simian... My friends with teen daughters who had laughed at me when their children were younger... suddenly started going grey fast.

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